


Not Guilty

by lvdymacbeth



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28513377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvdymacbeth/pseuds/lvdymacbeth
Summary: Alex loses a case and takes it unusually hard.  Olivia wants to find out why, so she invites Alex out for a drink.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Comments: 16
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first fic I've ever written (and the first fiction I've written in over 3 years), so please be gentle lol. I hope you like it :)
> 
> Content warning: There's a small bit of talk about sexual assault, but nothing more intense than what is talked about in the show.

Alex Cabot sighed to herself as she walked through the hall towards her office. She was thankful for the rhythmic sound of her heels clacking against the floor, the low buzz of chatter coming from her coworkers, and even for the mountain of paperwork she knew was awaiting her in her office—anything to distract her from what just happened in court.

Once she got to her office and closed her door, everything around her became silent, and Alex’s thoughts grew louder. She took off her jacket and tossed it onto the chair by the door, before turning on her Keurig and making herself a—very needed—cup of coffee. She figured she would stay late at the office working on her paperwork, so she might as well start caffeinating early; she needed a distraction and drowning herself in work was the perfect one.

When she finally sat down to get started on her work, she stared at the papers on her desk, her mind drifting back to the words “not guilty” and the feeling of her heart sinking immediately after. She had fought so hard, but it wasn’t hard enough. God, she wanted nothing more than to wipe the smug look off the bastard defendant’s face. He was guilty—they both knew it—but the case was a he-said-she-said, and without a living victim to tell her side of the story, the jury ate up his attorney’s spin on it. The victim was killed in a freak accident before she was able to testify, and with the only evidence of a rape being his DNA inside of her, he was able to claim it was consensual, and the jury believed it.

Just as Alex’s thoughts began to totally consume her, she heard a soft knock on the door. She said to come in and looked up, annoyed; she really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, especially not about work. However, her mood softened immediately when she saw Olivia Benson walk into her office. While she would never admit it, Olivia was her favorite detective in the department, and they had cultivated somewhat of a friendship over the few months that Alex had been working with SVU. They rarely saw each other outside of work, yet Alex had still grown quite fond of her. She really admired the detective and, though she refused to admit it even to herself, some of that fondness and admiration had morphed into more romantic feelings.

“Hey, Liv. What can I do for you?”

“Hey. I just wanted to come check on you and see how you’re feeling. You seemed to take that verdict pretty hard.” Olivia gave her a soft smile, her eyes tender and full of concern. Olivia’s eyes were so expressive, and sometimes looking into them made Alex’s heart flutter just a bit.

“I’m doing all right, but I appreciate your concern.” Alex was lying to Olivia just as much as she was lying to herself. If she could convince herself that everything was fine, maybe she could get some sleep later.

“You don’t seem all right; you’re sitting alone in your office on a Friday night. Do you want to go grab a drink? Maybe it’ll take your mind off things.”

Just as Alex opened her mouth to say no, she realized Olivia was right. It would be a much better distraction than doing more work, especially since she would get to spend that time with someone she considered a friend, and who understood the toll the job can take. “Yeah,” Alex gave her a not entirely convincing smile. “Just let me get my coat.”

\----------------------------------------

At the bar, the women kept their conversation light and casual, and avoided talking about anything related to work. Olivia wasn’t sure why Alex was so distraught over the case, but she knew she wanted to distract her from it as much as possible. She hated seeing anyone hurt, but seeing _Alexandra Cabot_ upset really got to her. Alex is one of the strongest people she knew, and Olivia had really begun to care for her. She loved hearing the ADA’s snarky comments and seeing how dedicated she was to getting justice for victims, and she had grown to really enjoy her company. Though they were mostly just work friends, Olivia liked Alex enough that she wanted to try to form a real friendship, which is why she asked Alex out for drinks. She could’ve just talked to her in her office, but she wanted to get to know her a bit better outside of work.

For a while, Olivia thought things seemed to be going well. They talked about anything from funny childhood stories to aliens, and Alex seemed to be perking up a bit. At first, Olivia was doing most of the talking while Alex brooded over her drinks, but as the night wore on, it became more of an equal conversation, though Alex did still seem a bit sad. However, when Alex started slurring her words during an overly passionate speech about scones, Olivia was concerned.

“Alex, how many drinks have you had?”

“No—not that many…”

“Alex, sweetie, you’re wasted.” Olivia realized that with the alcohol she’d had, she had been too engrossed in the conversation to realize just how much Alex had been drinking. “I want you to tell me how many drinks you’ve had.”

“I…lost count after s—after seven.” Alex looked like she was going to either throw up or cry—or both.

“Alex, why did court today affect you so much? It can’t be just because you lost. I’ve seen you lose cases before and you’ve never been this torn up about it. What happened?”

Alex started tearing up. “It was a… very personal case for me.”

Olivia’s heart sank. “Did you know the victim?”

Alex shook her head in response.

“If you didn’t know her, why was it so personal for you?”

Tears began to fall down Alex’s face and words spilled out of her mouth. “She was a lesbian and he raped her, and then she died and the jury believed the bullshit story that she consented and lied about it after to protect her reputation, and I couldn’t get justice for her and as a lesbian it really hurt to see the jury believe the homophobic bullshit the defense lawyer said and—” Alex stopped as she realized what she said. She stopped crying and looked at Olivia with the most mortified look in her eyes. “I didn’t mean to say that…”

Olivia’s heart ached for Alex. She got up and moved to sit on Alex’s side of the booth. Olivia grabbed Alex’s hand, concern and understanding showing in her eyes. “Honey, it’s okay. You don’t have to worry; I’m not going to tell anyone.” Alex was visibly relieved at that. “And I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so hurt about this case, but I appreciate you telling me about it. It was a personal one for me too, so I understand.” Olivia slipped in the subtle nod to her own sexuality in the hopes that Alex would catch it, and feel safer and more comfortable around her. She didn’t want her to have to deal with the stress of an accidental outing to a colleague on top of the stress of losing the case.

Alex looked confused at first, but then her eyes widened as she realized what Olivia just implied. “You—”

Olivia nodded and gave Alex a gentle smile. Before she could say anything, Alex’s lips were pressed against hers. Olivia was stunned but pulled away once the shock wore off. Not only was she surprised by the kiss—she had never noticed any signs that Alex might have had feelings for her—she was also surprised by her own reaction to it. She _definitely_ didn’t mind it, and it brought up her hidden feelings for Alex: the ones she had done such a good job of suppressing that even _she_ didn’t realize they existed. Honestly, if Alex hadn’t been so drunk, she would’ve kissed her back.

“Alex, sweetie, you’re drunk. Way too drunk for me to be kissing right now.”

Alex pouted at that, but she seemed to accept it.

“We should probably get you out of here and get you to bed. My apartment is just a block away; I’ll walk you there. You can sleep on my couch tonight. We can talk about this in the morning, okay?” Olivia, as surprised by her own feelings as she was, hoped Alex would take her up on that talk in the morning. She was starting to realize how much she truly cared for Alex, and how much she wanted to something more with her.

Alex replied with a very drowsy “okay,” so Olivia helped her up and walked her to the door.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Olivia spend the morning together and talk about what happened the night before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was originally planned as a oneshot, but I decided to expand on it a bit more. After this chapter, I have another chapter planned, and it'll probably end after that (with 3 chapters). 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

When Alex woke up, the first thing she noticed was the intense, throbbing pain in her head. She wanted nothing to do with that, so kept her eyes shut and tried to force her body to go back to sleep. She stayed like that for a while, but eventually she came to terms with the fact that she wasn’t going to be getting any more sleep. When she finally opened her eyes, she realized she didn’t know where she was. She was lying on a couch she didn’t recognize in a living room she’d never seen before, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt that weren’t hers. She sat up, slightly panicked, and was immediately hit with an intense wave of dizziness. Luckily, a familiar voice brought her back down to Earth.

“Woah! You might want to take it a bit slower; I can’t imagine you’re feeling great after last night. The Tylenol on the coffee table might help.” Olivia? Was she in Olivia’s apartment? How did she get there? The last thing she remembered was talking in her office.

Alex turned her head towards the voice and sure enough, Olivia was standing in the kitchen, plating some freshly made scrambled eggs. “Liv?”

“Mornin’, sunshine.” Olivia smiled as she poured two mugs of coffee. “How’d you sleep? I figured you were going to wake up with a pretty nasty hangover, so I made some breakfast and some coffee.” She brought a plate and a mug over to Alex, then returned to the kitchen counter, leaning against it and taking a bite from her own plate.

“Thank you,” Alex said before taking Olivia’s advice and downing two Tylenol with some water that Liv must have left on the table last night. “And you’re absolutely right about the hangover. I feel like shit.”

Olivia let out a small chuckle. “Hopefully the pills and the breakfast can at least take the edge off.”

Alex smiled at her, then took a bite of the eggs Olivia made her. “Wow, these are the best eggs I’ve ever had.”

Olivia laughed. “Honey, I think that’s the hangover talking.”

Alex shrugged and gave her a half smile. They ate in silence for a while; the lack of conversation feeling mostly comfortable, but Alex clearly had something on her mind. A few minutes passed before she turned to Olivia and asked, “Hey, Liv, what happened last night?”

“Well, I asked you out for drinks to try to get your mind off the case, which in hindsight might not have been the best idea. You went a little crazy with the booze.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Alex started to laugh before a sharp pain shot through her head. “Ow. Okay, no laughing. Noted.” She briefly paused. “Did I at least have fun last night? Please tell me this pain isn’t for nothing.”

“It took a while—and a lot of alcohol—but you did eventually get your mind off the case and start enjoying yourself.” She stopped, considering her next words. “You even kissed me…”

Alex felt her face turn beet red. Her heart started racing, and she wanted nothing more than to be swallowed whole by the couch she was sitting on. She had tried so hard to bury her feelings for Olivia, but she clearly hadn’t done a good enough job if all it took was a little alcohol to make them resurface, and in the most mortifying way possible. “ _I did?_ Oh my God, Liv, I’m _so_ sorry. That was so inappro—”

“Alex, it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

She heard what Liv said, but she was too lost in her own thoughts of regret and embarrassment to care. She really fucked up and was sure that Olivia was minimizing it just to try to make her feel better. “I really shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry if I ma—”

“Alex!” Alex stopped her apology and looked at Olivia, a bit confused, while Olivia continued talking. “I said you don’t have to worry about it, and I meant it. For one, you were drunk off your ass. I know I’ve done my fair share of stupid shit while drunk. And honestly… I liked it.”

“What? You did?” Of all the things Alex was expecting to hear from her, _that_ was not one of them.

“I mean, I would’ve liked it a lot more if you weren’t so trashed.” Olivia laughed. “But it made me realize that I have some feelings for you that I’ve been lying to myself about.”

Alex was silent. She wasn’t sure what to make of what was happening. First, she found out that she royally fucked up and kissed her coworker in a drunken stupor. Then, she found out that Olivia didn’t mind it? In fact, Olivia has feelings for her? Honestly, she wasn’t so sure she wasn’t still asleep and that everything wasn’t just a dream.

“Hey, I would appreciate it if you didn’t leave me hanging here.”

At the sound of Olivia’s voice, Alex snapped back to reality. She looked at Liv and chuckled a little when she saw her face. She looked nervous, and if Alex didn’t know any better, she’d say she might even be _blushing_.

“Sorry, Liv. You just caught me off guard. I’m sure this is obvious at this point, but I have feelings for you too. I was trying to ignore them and keep things professional, but that clearly didn’t work out.”

Olivia laughed and then smiled at Alex, who smiled back, but neither woman said anything. This—both having and admitting feelings to a coworker—was uncharted territory for them both, and neither one of them was quite sure what to say next. Alex wasn’t usually one to be shy when it came to admitting her feelings or asking someone out, but Olivia was different, and she didn’t want to mess it up. Her splitting headache certainly wasn’t helping either.

They spent more than a few minutes in an awkward silence, picking at their mostly empty plates with their forks. Alex’s mind was racing, thinking about all the places this could possibly go, but also trying to figure out what her next step should be. She liked Olivia, and evidently Olivia liked her back, but nothing was even close to official. Aside from the new revelation of their mutual crushes, nothing had really changed; they were still just coworkers and friends. She wanted to ask her on a date, but it didn’t feel like the right time. She was still painfully hungover, and she was sure the image of her blackout drunk was still fresh in Olivia’s mind. Definitely not the ideal time to ask someone out.

Eventually, the silence got to be too much for Alex, and she felt like she had to say something. She didn’t want to be too forward—the previous night’s kiss was forward enough—but she couldn’t help but flirt. “Thanks for breakfast, Liv. I’m already starting to feel a bit better. But you know what would _really_ help my hangover?”

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “No, what?”

Alex smirked. “Cuddling my favorite SVU detective.”

Without missing a beat, Olivia responded, “Munch? I can call him for you if you want.”

Laughing, Alex rolled her eyes and patted the couch. Olivia sat down next to her, and Alex leaned into her, laying her head on Olivia’s shoulder.

\----------------------------------------

As the morning wore on, the two found themselves watching a _Star Wars_ marathon that was airing on cable. It was a Saturday, and they had gotten no calls from Cragen, so they were free to stay cozied up on the couch, gasping at plot twists they already knew were coming and laughing at each other’s jokes.

At some point during the movies, they had shifted so that Alex was lying across the couch with her head in Olivia’s lap, Olivia absentmindedly playing with her hair. She didn’t even realize she was doing it until Alex quipped, “You know, I’m glad you didn’t call Munch. Your hands are much softer than his.”

Olivia laughed, thinking about how lucky she was to be spending her Saturday with Alex Cabot lying in her lap. Not only was Alex one of the most beautiful women Liv had ever seen, but she was also strong, intelligent, and damn funny. Even though they had only confessed their feelings to each other mere hours before, nothing about their current situation felt even a little weird or awkward to Olivia. Sitting on the couch, watching Star Wars, and running her fingers through Alex’s hair had her more content and relaxed than she had been in ages.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia asks Alex out on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter!
> 
> Sorry it took me so long; my sleep schedule is fucked and I've been too tired to work on it lmao

A few hours later, Olivia was lying propped up against the arm of the couch, while Alex was lying partially on top of her, head on Liv’s shoulder. It was midday and _Return of the Jedi_ was in its final half hour. Despite both women having dozed off a couple times throughout their marathon, they were both fully alert as the film began to wrap up. Alex was completely drawn into the ending, while Olivia’s mind was wandering despite the on-screen action, eyes glazed over as she stared blankly at the television, not registering anything that was happening.

Olivia couldn’t stop thinking about how glad she was with how her day had turned out. When she asked Alex out for drinks the night before, she expected to maybe sit with her in the bar for an hour at the most while they talked about work; she never thought any of this would come of it. She enjoyed spending time with Alex, and she loved how comfortable they already were with each other. Honestly, she never wanted it to end, though she knew it would have to sooner or later—most likely sooner, since the final movie was quickly coming to an end, and she figured Alex would probably want to return to her own apartment afterwards. With no discernable plans between them for the future, she didn’t want to let Alex leave without at least some knowledge of how things would proceed. So, she decided that once the movie ended, she would ask Alex out on an official date.

As the credits started to roll, Alex sat up and stretched. She looked at Olivia, her eyes still looking a bit sleepy, but happy. “Thanks for today, Liv. It was really nice.” She squeezed Liv’s hand before standing up. “It’s getting kinda late… I should probably head home. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

Olivia sat up and smiled at Alex, despite feeling disappointed that the attorney was leaving. “Your clothes are in my bedroom on top of my dresser. Feel free to get dressed in there.”

Alex left to get changed—she was still wearing the extra PJs Olivia gave her the night before. When she returned to the living room, she thought Olivia looked a little nervous about something, though she wasn’t sure what it could be. They already had the always nerve-wracking talk where they admitted their feelings, what else could there be? 

“Hey, Alex, before you leave, I want to ask you something.” Olivia wasn’t usually one to get nervous about asking someone out. In fact, she still wasn’t. Not really. It wasn’t that she was nervous about asking Alex out, especially not after they spent the day cuddling. It had just been a while since she’d been on a date, and even longer since she had been the one to ask for the date. Work had been hectic lately, so she didn’t have much time left over for dating, especially since so few people understood or had patience for the type of job she did. Because of this, she was a little out of practice, which was the real cause of any hesitations she had.

“Yeah, of course. What’s up?”

“Do you want to go to dinner with me tomorrow night?”

Alex grinned when she heard this. She thought it was cute that Olivia seemed to be nervous about asking her out. Not that Alex thought she had any reason to be; she was going to ask Liv out herself if Liv hadn’t done it first. “I would love that.”

Olivia smiled, relieved that she didn’t somehow manage to screw up. “I was thinking Italian. 7pm. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect! I’ll see you then.”

Alex pulled Olivia into a hug before walking out of her apartment. As she walked towards the elevator, all she could think about was how excited she was for her upcoming date.

\----------------------------------------

When Olivia walked into the restaurant, she was about ten minutes early. She wasn’t expecting Alex to be there yet, but she still scanned the dining area, her heart beating faster when she saw the blonde sitting alone at a small table by a window. Even from afar, Alex looked beautiful. She wasn’t dressed any more formally than she would for work, though she wasn’t wearing anything Olivia had seen before, which made it clear to Olivia that she had dressed up just for their dinner.

Olivia smiled to herself as she walked towards her date. Alex didn’t even notice her arrive at the table; she was too lost in thought as she gazed out the window. “Hey, Alex.”

Alex jumped a bit at the sound of Olivia’s voice, not expecting to see her for a little while. “Oh! Olivia! Hi. You’re early.”

Olivia laughed as she sat down. “ _I’m_ early? I got here ten minutes before seven and you were already settled in at a table. I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“No, I’ve only been here for a few minutes. I hate being late; I always try to get places early.”

“Yeah I picked up on that,” Olivia joked.

The next three hours passed so quickly they didn’t even realize they had been there any longer than an hour. Neither of them had intended for the date to last that long, but it was going so well that they didn’t want it to end. They spent the whole time talking and laughing; sometimes they would get so wrapped up in the conversation that they forgot to eat the food in front of them.

Eventually, Olivia checked her watch and realized how late it was. “Hey, Al, it’s after 10…” She didn’t want to bring it up, but she knew they’d both have to get up early.

“Are you serious? I can’t believe it’s that late! Not that I want to, but do you think we should get going? We have work in the morning.”

“Yeah, I think that’s probably a good idea. I had a really great time tonight, though,” Olivia said as she reached her hand across the table, taking Alex’s in hers and giving it a soft squeeze.

Alex smiled. “So did I.”

They both stood up and started pulling on their coats, putting money in the bill holder and leaving some cash on the table for their server. They split the bill without even discussing it—they both knew what kind of salary the city of New York paid its public servants.

The women walked out of the restaurant hand in hand. It was a chilly night, so when they reached the cold outside air, Alex wrapped her arm around Olivia, partially for warmth, and partially because she just wanted to be closer to her.

They walked together until they reached the parking garage they left their cars in. When they got there, Olivia turned to Alex. “Thank you for tonight.”

Alex smiled sweetly in response before looking at Olivia’s lips and back into her eyes, silently asking for permission. When Olivia gently nodded, Alex kissed her softly but affectionately, marveling at how soft the other woman’s lips were. After they pulled away, Olivia quietly chuckled.

“What?” Alex asked. People didn’t usually laugh after she kissed them, and she wasn’t sure she liked it.

“It’s just much nicer to kiss you when you’re sober.” Olivia grinned.

Alex rolled her eyes as she laughed. “I’m just glad I’ll remember this one.”

They kissed again before saying their goodnights, going their separate ways to their cars. Alex was giddy the whole ride home. She hadn’t been this happy after a date in a while, and she felt like her own excitement was a little bit childish, but she didn’t care. The night replayed on loop in her mind as she drove to her apartment, her hopes high for the future. Sure, it was only their first date, but she was confident they’d be together for a long time to come.


End file.
